The Camping
by Tottenham Hotspur
Summary: Erza Knightwalker, Erza Scarlet and Kagura Mikazuchi all decided to go camping! Isn't that great? Parody of a Spongebob Squarepants. ONESHOT


**The Camping**

One night, a young woman smiles as she walks out of her bathroom and enters her bedroom with a nice warm cup of tea. The woman has long scarlet hair and wears a armor and blue skirt Her name was Erza Scarlet. She is really happy tonight because tomorrow is the weekend. That means she doesn't have to go to job tomorrow and completely relax at home. But this weekend is EVEN better than that. Or so she thinks.

"Ah, at last, the weekend is here." Scarlet said happily as she puts her cup of tea on a table next to her bed. Then she smiles as she goes over to her calendar.

"And this isn't any other old weekend." She then points at a box that has drawings of two certain people having a campfire. "It's the weekend, my two rivals, Kagura and Knightwalker go camping."

Then she smiles gleefully as she says to herself. "Wouldn't it be great if they get lost in the forest and NEVER come back?"

_Imagination: _

_Scarlet__ then imagines two teenagers looking worried as they walk through a forest._

_The first teenager is a girl with short __Scarlet__ hair, a single strand dangling over the front of her face, __brown__ eyes and wears a very provocative outfit comprising of a revealing, halter-type armor breastplate top, that leaves much of her cleavage and stomach exposed, with light-armored gauntlets and greaves on her forearms and forelegs, respectively, as well as her thighs. She also wears a dark bikini bottom with a piece of cloth obscuring her hips. She wears a dark scarf around her neck_._. Her name was __Erza Knightwalker__. She's holding a backpack on her back._

_The second teenager is a __girl__ with __long black hair__ and wears an elaborate blazer with gold lining, and a large collar, which is open to reveal a collared shirt and red tie underneath. The cuffs of this jacket are tucked into a pair of white wrist-high gloves. On her legs, __she__ wears a pair of black tights, which are tucked into a pair of knee-high boots and sit under a short white frilled skirt. On her head, __she__ ties a white ribbon, with the ends of the bow pointing straight up_._. H__er__ name was __Kagura Mikazuchi__. __Sh__e's also holding a backpack on his back while looking at a map._

_Knightwalker__ then said to __Kagura__ scared, who looked back at her scared as well, "__Kagura__…I'm scared."_

_End of Imagination_

"Hoo hoo! That would be GREAT!" Scarlet said as she happily shed a tear of joy. She then gets into her bed and sighed happily,

"Ah, Scarlet, you waited a long time for this. A soft bed. Warm tea. A nice manga to read." He then puts her manga down and continued, "And two whole days of no…" He then makes a stupid expression of Kagura's face and laughed, "Bahahahaha! Bahahahaha!" then She smiles as she continues reading her book.

But soon, her moment of happiness broke, causing Scarlet to drop his smile, when she heard familiar laughter. "What the?" Scarlet said in disbelief. Could it be?

Meanwhile, Knightwalker and Kagura are laughing gleefully as they read a manga in their little tent. "Bahahahaha! Bahahahaha!" They both laughed. Just then, Scarlet entered their tent angrily.

"Knightwalker! Kagura! Aren't you guys supposed to be camping?" She asked.

"We are camping, Scarlet." Knightwalker said with a scowl as she and Kagura came over to her.

"Knightwalker, it's not camping if you're ten feet away from your house." She said. What Scarlet said was true. In fact, Knightwalker and Kagura's tent Is just 10 feet away from their house and 20 feet away from Scarlet's house.

"Aw, come on Scarlet. It doesn't matter where we camp, as long as we're outside, right?" Kagura asked. "While you good city folks are safe at home reading mangas…" This make Scarlet dropped her jaw. "We're out here, fighting the primitive forces of nature. Wanna join us?"

Of course, Scarlet said as she frowns, "No."

"Okay, have fun inside." Knightwalker said. Scarlet then leaves while Knightwalker and Kagura went back to their reading.

But a few seconds later, Scarlet reenters the tent. "What do you mean have fun inside?" She asked suspiciously. Is her two rivals up to something?

"Have…fun inside, see you tomorrow." Kagura said as she shrugs.

"Oh. Okay." Scarlet said, thinking that this case is now closed. She then left the tent again while Knightwalker and Kagura happily went back to their reading.

But suddenly, a few seconds later, Scarlet reenters the tent AGAIN. "You little bitchs! I see what you're doing!" She snarled.

"What?" Knightwalker asked irritated.

"Don't think I can't see what you're doing!"

"What?" Kagura asked as she and Knightwalker do not like where this is going.

"You're saying I can't take it! So that you guys can go to Guild the next day and humiliate me by telling all the other mages that I, Erza fucking Scarlet, an S-class wizard, Titania of Fairy Tail, COULDN'T EVEN GO CAMPING!"

"But all we…" Knightwalker tried to say, only to end up get cut off by her rival.

"No! You guys think I sucked! You think your little 'have fun inside' challenge is gonna make me go camping with you two! But that is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! There's no way, I'm gonna spend the whole night camping with you two losers! Besides, so what if I can't go camping? I'm still one of the greatest mage of Fairy Tail. So ha! Now get use to it!" After Scarlet finished saying, she then leaves their tent angrily.

"Okay." Kagura said.

Then they both said with a grin, "Have fun inside."

"THAT DOES IT!" Scarlet screamed in front of their faces as she reenters then tent. She then leaves the tent and runs over to her house. "I'll show those bitchs what I'm capable of!" She mumbled as she enters her house.

"Scarlet is gonna camp with us." They said with a grin. Then they both squealed happily as they walked out of their tent. Scarlet then returns with a HUGE bag of camping equipment.

"Now you see how a real…" But before Scarlet can continued what she has to say, the weight of her bag causes hr to fell to the ground, flattening him. Literally. "Camping expert does it!" She said as she struggles to get out from her bag. After she got out, she took out a thing from her bag and shows it to Kagura and Knightwalker.

"There we go." Scarlet said with a smirk. "My remote control self assembling tent." Scarlet then smiles devilishly at them. "Watch and learn." He'll show them.

Knightwalker then quickly took out her binoculars while Kagura took out a pencil and a notepad. Scarlet then tosses her thing to the air and took out a remote control. She then presses the button. But the thing went haywire and the tent lands on the ground flat.

"That was great, Scarlet!" Knightwalker said flatly.

"But how do you get inside?" Kagura asked.

"Yeah, it's all crashy looking." Knightwalker added in agreement.

"That's because it's not put up yet, you dorks!" Scarlet snapped. She then picks her tent up in frustration. Shee grits her teeth angrily as she tries to set up her tent. But soon, she widens her eyes in shock when she accidentally rips her tent.

"Customization!" Knightwalker exclaimed."She ripped her tent".

"Genius!" Kagura said sarcasmsly as she writes on her notepad. Scarlet is now whacking her tent with a stick while jumping up and down frantically like a frantic moron.

"He's tenderizing the tent!" Knightwalker screamed.

"Of course!" Kagura exclaimed as she writes on her notepad again. Scarlet is now tangled by her tent and ropes. She struggles to get herself free.

"WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!"

"Gee hee!" Kagura said as he frantically writes his notepad. But the truth is, instead of writing down what Scarlet did, she's actually playing a game of tic-tac-toe on her notepad.

Scarlet then angrily kicks her tent…and her tent is now set up. Scarlet widens his eyes, then smiles as she said, "Ta-dah." But soon, hr tent collapses again. Scarlet saw this and laughed nervously at Kagura and Knightwalker as she rolls her tent away. She then comes back with a sleeping bag.

"But what could be better than just lying out under the stars." Scarlet said as she rolls out her sleeping bag and places it gently on the ground. Scarlet then turns around and smiles as Kagura and Knightwalker said 'hooray' while clapping their hands.

"Well, I sure am hungry after all that setting up." Scarlet said as she now sits down with Kagura and Knightwalker in front of their campfire. "I supposed you guys are gonna stew up some sticks and branches, right?"

"Nope. We're eating something better." Knightwalker then takes out a bag of marshmallows. "Marshmallows." She then took a marshmallow and eats it. After finished eating, she said, "Yum yum. Just like what the astronauts eat!"

Then Kagura said to Knightwalker as she is now wearing a glass bowl over her head, "TSSSKKK! This is Kagura to Knightwalker. Kagura to Knightwalker, can you read me, over!"

Knightwalker is also now wearing a glass bowl over her head as she said to Kagura, "TSSSKKK! Knightwalker to Kagura! I read you, over!"

"TSSSKKK! Kagura to Knightwalker, I want one, over!"

"TSSSKKK! Knightwalker to Kagura, me too, over!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!" Of course, this is making Scarlet looked REALLY annoyed.

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK! Knightwalker to Kagura, help yourself, over!" She said as she holds out her bag of marshmallows to Kagura. Kagura then took a marshmallow from the bag.

"ALRIGHT!" Kagura exclaimed as she puts the marshmallow in her mouth, of course, breaking the glass bowl in the process. "Kagura to Knightwalker! The deliciousness has landed!"

"Well, you two astronauts can eat marshmallows." She said. She then holds up a can. "I'm gonna eat a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls." She then stands up and about to walk back to her house. "As soon as I get my can opener."

Then she stopped in her tracks as Knightwalker said, "Scarlet, didn't you take a can opener with you before you walked out from your house?"

"Why even bother? We're just twenty feet away from my house!" Scarlet scoffed.

"But this is the wilderness." Knightwalker said. Then she grins. "It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit."

"You better listen to your counterpart, Scarlet." Kagura said.

"Alright, fine!" Scarlet snapped as she sits back down. She then snatches the bag of marshmallows from Knightwalker as she said, "Give me that!" Scarlet then took a marshmallow and pierce it on a stick and holds the stick over the campfire.

Kagura also took a marshmallow and pierce it on a stick and holds it over the campfire. However, suddenly, her marshmallow got on fire, making Kagura screamed, "HOT! HOT!" She then blows the fired marshmallow away…and the marshmallow splashed on Scarlet's face, much to the Titania's annoyance. Scarlet then wipes her face and continues roasting her marshmallow.

Kagura took out another marshmallow, pierce it with his stick and holds it over the campfire again. Again, her marshmallow got on fire, making her screamed again, "HOT! HOT!" She blows hr fired marshmallow and the marshmallow once again splashed on Titania's face. Scarlet then annoyingly wipes her face off. Then she yelps when Kagura screamed

"HOT! HOT!"again. Kagura blows her fired marshmallow, but this time, Scarlet managed to duck in time.

Scarlet laughed after dodging the marshmallow. But strangely, Kagura's fired marshmallow came back and splashed on the back of Scarlet's head. Scarlet then frowns and said,

"Okay, instead of spitting burned food on me, what else do you guys do for fun?"

"Well, after a LONG day of camping, it's nice to end the day by playing a nice campfire song." Knightwalker said as she took out her guitar. She starts playing music with her guitar and said to her counterpart, "I call this one, The Campfire Song Song." Then Knightwalker starts singing.

_**Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song.**_

_**Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

As Knightwalker sings, Kagura moves side to side, following the rhythm of the song. Knowing that Scarlet is not doing that with him, Kagura puts her hand on Scarlet's head and moves her side to side with her, much to Scarlet's annoyance.

_**And if you don't think that we can sing it faster**_

_**Then you're wrong**_

_**But it will help you if you just sing along.**_

Scarlet yelps as Kagura sang in her ear.

_**Bom Bom Bommmm**_

Knightwalker then starts singing fast

_**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

_**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

Kagura struggles to catch up with Knightwalker while Scarlet sit on the ground silently, not caring about the song at all.

_**And if you don't think that we can sing it faster**_

_**Then you're wrong**_

_**But it will help you if you just sing along.**_

_**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

_**Kagura**__**!**_

_**SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G!**_

_**Scarlet**__**!**_

Of course, Scarlet remain silent.

_**Good!**_

Now Knightwalker is singing her song on a stage while Kagura is playing the drums.

_**It will help!**_

_**It will help!**_

Knightwalker now jumps off the stage like a rock star singer.

_**If you just sing along!**_

Knightwalker then smashes her guitar frantically while Kagura came over and smashes her drums on Knightwalker. Knightwalker then pops out from the drums and screamed.

_**OH YEAH!**_

Then Knightwalker and Kagura sighed happily as they came over to the campfire and

"Isn't that relaxing?"

"NO!" Scarlet said. "This is relaxing." Then Scarlet took out her clarinet and starts playing it BADLY.

"OH SHIT!" Then Knightwalker took a marshmallow and aim at Scarlet with her Ten Commanders. "Don't do that, you idiot!" Then Knightwalker shoots her marshmallow and it went through Scarlet's clarinet, then into Scarlet's throat. She yelps, then landed on the ground. Knightwalker walked over to her and asked,

"OI Scarlet?! Are you okay?" Scarlet starts chewing the marshmallow. "That's it. Chew." She then swallows the marshmallow. "There…better?"

"BETTER!? I was playing with my clarinet until you shoot that junk food into my windpipe!" Scarlet snapped.

"You're an idiot Scarlet, you know you shouldn't play your clarinet so badly in the wilderness. It might attract…" Knightwalker looks around. Then she said into Scarlet's ear. "Dragneel the Fire Dragon."

"Dragneel The Fire Dragon?" Scarlet said in fear "You mean like the ones that…" She then snapped, making Knightwalker yelped. "DON'T EXIST!"

"What do you mean?" Knightwalker said.

"There's no such thing! It's just a myth!" Scarlet said.

"Oh no, Scarlet! Dragneel are real! They say so in the Magnolia Town Inquirer!" Knightwalker said. Then she shows her the newspaper.

"I married Dragneel." Scarlet reads the front page.

"Yeah! And Fake Science Monthly!" Kagura said as she holds out the newspaper.

"Dragneel and the other dragons are real?!" Scarlet reads the front page. Then she said in disbelief, "That's the most stupidest thing I ever heard!"

"Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!" Kagura said something smart and stupid at the same time.

"She's right, Scarlet. The Dragneel is no laughing matter! There was one time I knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin…" Knightwalker said.

"Alright! I know! Yes, I shouldn't have played my clarinet badly. Why don't you tell me all the things that I shouldn't do so I will not attract this Dragneel." Scarlet said.

"Okay, first. Don't play your clarinet badly." Knightwalker said.

"Uh-huh."

"Never turn on your flashlight back and forth really fast."

"Flashlights are their natural prey." Kagura added.

"You're kidding."

"Don't stomp around. They take that as challenge." Knightwalker said.

"Yeah."

"Go on!" Scarlet said as she starts writing down everything on her notepad.

"Don't ever eat cheese!" Knightwalker said as Kagura puts her fingers in her mouth scared.

"Slice or cube?" Scarlet asked. Knightwalker and Kagura then both whispered to each other for a well.

"Cube. Slice is fine."

"Yeah yeah!"

"Never ever wear a sombrero."

"Especially in a goofy fashion!" Kagura added.

"Or clown shoes."

"Or a hoop skirt."

"And never…"

"Ever…"

"Ever…"

"Eek!"

"SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!" Knightwalker both screamed in panic.

"Wow! I didn't know there are so many things that attract Dragneel!" Scarlet said.

"They are horrible!" Knightwalker and Kagura both said scared while shaking.

"You know, I have a strange feeling that we are all in danger." Scarlet said worried.

"We are?"

"I don't know." Scarlet said scared. Then she ran back to her home and when she came back, she's now wearing a sombrero, clown shoes and a hoop skirt while holding a flash light and a plate of cheese cubes. "JUST A FEELING!" She yelled, smiling evilly.

"No"

"Yes."

"No!" Then Scarlet starts screeching like a chimpanzee.

"SCARLET YOU STUPID! DON'T DO THAT!" They screamed. But Scarlet ignores them and continue stomping, turning the flashlight on and off really fast and screeching like a chimpanzee.

"Kagura, what do we do now?! Thank to Scarlet, that damn Dragneel will come here and get us for sure!" Kagura said.

"I know! Let's draw an anti-Dragneel dirt circle!" Kagura said and she took her Archenemy and draws a circle around them.

"Good thinking!" Knightwalker exclaimed as she and Kagura sit inside the circle. Then she holds up a Fake Science Monthly newspaper and said, "All the experts say it's the only way to save yourself from Dragneel's attack." Kagura and Knightwalker sat relax while Scarlet came over and laughed maniacally.

"Oh you guys are so gullible! See? I did everything that attracts Dragneel and nothing happened! If that flame head really do exist, how come one never shows up?" Scarlet asked with a smirk.

"Maybe it's because you are not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion." Knightwalker scoffed.

"Oh sheesh, how silly of me! You mean like this?" Then Scarlet jerks her sombrero hat and laughs. Then a red Dragon which has Natsu's head turns her hat upside down and put it on her head.

"No! Like that!" Knightwalker said. Then Dragneel roars loudly, making Scarlet widen his eyes in realization. She screams when she sees the Dragneel. The Dragneel roars again. Then Scarlet screams frantically and runs away as fast as she can. But the Dragneel was too fast for her and when he catches her, it starts mauling her. A few minutes later, the Dragneel left.

"Hey Scarlet! Are you alright?" Knightwalker said.

"No you idiots!" Scarlet, who now has scratches and bruises all over her body and even her armor broken replied. She also has additional blood around her lips and cheeks. Even an S-class mage like her couldn't take on that Dragneel.

"Quick you red haired bastard! Jump into our anti-Dragneel dirt circle before it comes back!" Knightwalker said as she and Kagura came over with their circle.

"She's right Scarlet! Dragneels usually attack more than once!" Kagura said ass he and Knightwalker put down their circle.

"Are you crazy!?" Scarlet yelled as she got up. "A dirt circle wouldn't hold that thing! I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!" Then Scarlet runs away.

"Stupid!" Kagura murmured as the Dragneel comes back and mauls Scarlet again.

"Don't run! Dragneel hate that!" Knightwalker said. Byakuya groans in pain as she lies on the ground flat.

"Well…thanks for the tip." Scarlet moaned. Then she steadily stands up. "I guess I'll just stagger home then." She said as she staggers away.

"NO!" Kngithwalker and Kagura screamed. But once again, it was too late as the Dragneel comes back and mauls Scarlet again.

"They hate staggering more than running!" Kagura told Scarlet.

"Well, I guess I'll just…." But Scarlet could finish saying, the Dragneel comes back and attacked her again.

"You should have warned her about crawling!" Knightwalker told Kagura. Then the Dragneel comes back again and attacked Scarlet again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"SO, WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?!" Scarlet yelled in pain.

"I don't know, maybe you're ugly and he just doesn't like you." Knightwalker replied.

"Just pretend to be someone else!" Kagura added.

"Here!" Knightwalker said as she throws her Ten Commanders at Scarlet. "Draw an anti-Dragneel dirt circle around you before it comes back!"

"Okay." Scarlet said as she drawn a circle around her. But it didn't work, Dragneel come again and attacked her again.

"That is an oval you stupid; it has to be a circle and give me back my Ten Commanders." Knightwalker scoffed.

"MOVE OVER!" Scarlet cried as she jumps onto Knightwalker and Kagura. The Dragneel comes back but soon it notices that Scarlet is in a dirt circle. The Dragneel roars in anger and left.

"YIPPEE!"

"Oh thank you! You guys save my life!" Scarlet said in relief to Knightwalker and Kagura.

"Yeah. I'm glad it's just an Dragneel. This dirt circle will never hold back th Fernandes!" Knightwalker said.

Scarlet's smile dropped and asked worried, "What attracts them?"

"The sound of an Dragneel attack." Kagura said. Then a dragon which has Jellal's head comes over and roars at them.

"Haha, good thing we are wearing our Fernandes under garmets. Right, Scarlet?" Knightwalker said.

"Huh?" Scarlet said worried. This might take a while.

**THE END**


End file.
